omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
