Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
