you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
