Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
sick fucks of a feather flock together
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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