That's intense
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
The beer is more important than you right now.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
