literally had 100 drinks last night.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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