i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
bring money and cleavage
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
