I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
