Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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