im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
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