what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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