Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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