hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
