My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'm sobbing to NWA
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
