im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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