He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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