And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
