pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
