he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
