is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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