talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
He passed out mid-signature
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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