honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
