how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I just gift wrapped bread.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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