i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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