So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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