Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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