3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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