you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
