just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Life is so much better after having sex.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
