Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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