Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
