I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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