he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
