i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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