Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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