I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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