I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
