I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Randomize
