Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
God, I missed his penis.
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