hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I wear drunk well.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
