I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
