you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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