Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
