i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
