dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Randomize
