At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
