woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
