you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
