I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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