Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
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