Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
