I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
