The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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