She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I AM VODKA MAN
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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