So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
